Hello!
This is technically my first real blog post that I'm writing in html in neocities and I am so excited! It is a lot more work to even add italics to something, but I love how intentional you have to be. I've been trying to be a lot more intentional with my life. Not relying on algorithms and being intentional with the art and media that I consume.
It all makes me think a lot about art and being human as a whole. It really isn't hard or expensive to create something. It doesn't even have to mean anything special. I finally got to reading a zine that I found in a little free library. It was so beautifully written and so clear that it was just made for the sake of it. I've been thinking about it for most of the day.
The one thing I hate the most about capitalism is how it turns everything into something to be sold. When I was a kid and starting to get into baking my mom once asked me "have you ever thought about selling those?" It is genuinely soul-crushing to me that I can not just create for the sake of creation in a capitalist society. I know of course that I can just create and I am doing that right now but the point still stands.
I think we are a deeply hurt society. People lean on drugs and technological induced comas to cope with all of that pain. We're taught to keep it all inside or to just deal with it on our own. To internalize when what we really need is an outlet. I am so so so very lucky to have such amazing friends who make me want to be the best person I can be, but we're not all lucky.
I spent the evening at my parents tonight. My brother came up as he usually does. He's had a hard life and it's really sad to see him go through all that he does. Sometimes it feels like I hear more bad news about him than good news. Hearing about some of the stuff my parents have said was pretty tough. He can be somewhat of an ass sometimes, but it still hurts to see him suffer like he has. I still do care about him. I wonder if he has any friends he can go to. Friends who make him feel alive. I wonder if he would be okay then.
I'm not going to blame technology for all that he is, but I do think that he needs an outlet that isn't online. I want to live to see a world where he can thrive, where all of us can. There is so much pain and hurt in the world. But there is so much art and beauty as well. I want to be someone who is constantly creating. I want to look back on my life and see that I have done some good in the world. I want to surround myself with people who fill me with a lust for life.
It's late and I can't really think of anything to write right now :( Oh but I do wish that I could write more. I think I'll try to write some poems with a friend tomorrow. Friend, if you are reading this, thank you for being you. You are amazing.
You all are.
- Penny